Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
