When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
