I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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