Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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