"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
