Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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