Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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