she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
this is an emotional support booty call
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
