I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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