I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
