Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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