Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
