So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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