dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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