The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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