Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize