we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
