I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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