No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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