I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
