I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You took a bar mat shot.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
