He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize