I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
