um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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