They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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