If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
