I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
