I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize