My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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