I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think i have two assholes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
