Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
