Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
