I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
