She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
