Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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