Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
