Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
