Small penises have feelings too.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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