dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
