I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
