You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
