My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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