hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
