We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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