it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
