areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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