Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
