So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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