sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
