If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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