I just saw a hot homeless man
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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