Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
