i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
