He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
