so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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