he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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