my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
