i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
