The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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