So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Maybe he injected his testicle?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
