Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
