my phone needs a breathalizer
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
