there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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