There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
