Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
