i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
