Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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