Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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