If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
