is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
