There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
