Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
