I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
