need another drink. this is the easiest way
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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