Sponge bath it is.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
