Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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