Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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