So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
