Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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