The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
