i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
